The beginning of May marked a major turning point in my life. Due to circumstances out of my control, I’ve had to completely reevaluate my future. The effect this has had on my development was a major shift from art and code to purely personal development. It was required that I reset and realign my goals with this unfortunate change. While the details will remain confidential, I have learned a difficult life lesson, and I am only stronger for it. Here is my recap of May and June.

 

Dopamine

Stagnation is death. Investing all of one’s value into something singular is a recipe for disaster, especially when that something is unreliable. Friction creates heat and heat creates light. Comfort is decay.

Dopamine is a compound present in the body as a neurotransmitter and a precursor of other substances including epinephrine. It governs many things, one of which is addiction. Addiction is nothing more than an unconscious motivation to pursue something without restraint. If my happiness is reliant on some necessity that isn’t life giving, I consider it an addiction.

A self discipline I like to practice to combat addiction is something I like to call “dopamine reset”. The practice is simple enough. I simply stop doing whatever it is that I feel I might be addicted to. I cease the consumption or activity until I feel I no longer crave it. Once I achieve that, I feel it’s safe to approach again without risk of obsessively repetitive behavior. By removing that which feels out of my control, I take back that control. I can then focus on my purpose and mission in life. With clarity I can pursue that which gives me life. Instead of decay, I create.

Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
— Lao Tzu

 

Mission

As stated in my introduction, my mission is to create. I feel I’ve misled myself by stating that purpose as game development alone. I’ve since broadened the value I find in creating. Creating is growth and learning, no matter the subject. Creating is acquiring resources to facilitate creation. As a result, this blog’s scope has broadened beyond games alone, and now encompasses any and all growth. Learning about the world in order to leverage its many systems has moved front and center of my pursuits. By focusing on my purpose and mission through the lens of understanding these systems, I’ve grown more in the past two months than in the entire past year.

I recently paged through a book called The Dhammapada. I would argue that it’s a distillation of Buddhism’s teachings into a bite sized paperback that fits nicely on a coffee table, or on the back of a toilet. Taoism and Buddhism are both schools of philosophical thought that I’ve found myself gravitating towards. While I don’t subscribe to any one religious doctrine or way of life, there are elements I’ve adopted into my own path over the years. It’s important to remain humble on a journey of growth.

I know one thing; that I know nothing.
— Socrates

 

Muse

My DeviantArt account, which I started in 2002, has been collecting dust for the better part of a decade now. There was a template I used for each of my submitted works on that angst filled database. Since most of the work on there was finished in a matter of one hour or less, each piece was made while I listened to a particular song on repeat. I credited that song in the description of each piece so that I might go back and tap into that moment in time, via aural memory association.

The tradition continues to this day as I create entire playlists now for each project. Whenever I return to that project, it’s easy for me to ramp back into the state of mind I had at the time by simply laying down and listening to the soundtrack I had created. Among those projects that warranted their own soundtrack in this modern tradition of muse accreditation were:

• Netherlight (Tabletop)
• Netherlight (UE4)
• Cerebrus (Drone Core’s extended universe)
• Pod & Rodney

Although more recently I’ve changed up that tradition for a more abstract variation. I’ve started creating playlists that represent a particular state of mind in the spirit of creating a more consistent work flow. Currently these playlists have been titled ASIDE1 and ASIDE2. While they’ve taken on a meaning of their own now, the name originally came from the acronym Android Studio Integrated Development Environment. They also come with the clever implied double meaning associated with sides A and B found on a cassette tape.

The collection of music ranges across several genres, but have primarily been low impact digital instrumentals. The first track to inspire this entire collection of music fit the theme of development flow well. The track is “In Motion”, composed by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for the film The Social Network. It plays over a scene where the film’s morally questionable protagonist, Mark Zuckerberg (played by actor Jesse Eisenberg), works through the developmental busy work of a web app:

 

 

The rhythm, mood, and tone of the track perfectly encompasses the mindset of pursuing a goal via problem solving and focus. Perhaps the value I’ve gleaned from this track, and the subsequent playlists created after being inspired by it, was only present because of the scene it plays over. The protagonist tunnels into his own world, ignoring all else, in pursuit of something for no other reason than to have simply done it.

Your work is to discover your work, and then with all of your heart, to give yourself to it.
— Buddha

 

Closing Summary

I’m feeling good about the future. It’s obvious to most, but I’ve been reminded that nothing is truly within my control. One day without warning, everything can suddenly change. My strength of character is tested by my ability to continue forward regardless of change, and to evolve and survive as best I can. I’m still improving myself every day.